Not ok in an ok person 

Laying on the bed thinking 💭 

If I am totally alone in this house, why do I need to be that nervous 😩 

Before I go to bed, I check every single room in the house, make sure the doors of all the rooms are closed actually locked! I check the windows and make sure no one is standing behind them, shut the windows….

I take a bottle of water, in case I’ll get thirsty at night, cause as long as the door of my bedroom is closed at night it stays closed no in and no out until morning.

I keep the closest room beside my room with full light on, so the light could sneak under the door.

And I enter the bed, watching the line of light until I fall asleep, so I could make sure there are no movement in that specific room.

And I still think I didn’t have any terrifying experiences or I wasn’t abused or something, I have never been fighting for real, what the hell is wrong with me? 

I do not get amused or thrilled to do these things, it’s an exhausting ceremony before bed, what should I do? Is that ok? It’s driving me crazy….

I tried to stop doing it, but if I didn’t I won’t be able to fall asleep 😴 

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